Let's see how fast I can type tonight...
Contestants are on the stage, glowing, perma-grins blaring. Ryan is hovering somewhere overhead. (Cue AI music that makes Sophie get her groove on...) Oh, nuh uh! The judges have legs! They're demonstrating that they're not just trunks behind a desk by creeping onto the stage...with their gangsta' faces on. What the heck? Simon is walking like he has a corncob wedged in an undersireable place. And Ryan is emerging from his pen-in-the-sky, via a cattle gate. Why?
Ah. Simon wanted to create a "very interesting opening." Check. I think perhaps he accomplished that. They're mixing it up this year, folks. Keeping us on our toes. Going CRAzee! Oh, good grief, not "the one and only Michael Jackson". Seriously? Haven't we beaten poor Mike to death by now? Okay, not so happy about tonight's theme, but putting on my Happy Face, anyway. If somebody does "Beat It", I'm going to...well, I'm going to be sad for them.
1.) Lil Rounds. "The Way You Make Me Feel". Ooo! Nice flower-poof shoulder thingee. Her emsemble is a bit going-to-the-prom meets Saturday Night Fever...but I'm kind of diggin' it. Great voice. Good performance. Really liked the second half of the song. Soulful? I think soulful probably describes her performance. Oh, okay, Randy called it "bluesy Old Soul". So I was close. And Simon agrees with me that the second half was better than the first. Snap for me! Or not. He hates the outfit. Wants a few minutes with Lil to "straighten her out". Well, then.
2.) Scott McIntyre. "Keep The Faith". Do I know this song? Nope. Oh, wait, okay. Maybe. (Perhaps I'm not old enough to remember it? Ooo, wouldn't that be nice!) Clearly, Scott is more comfortable behind the piano. Wow! He seems like a totally different performer tonight. He's jukin' it, baby! He has a good voice. But a great voice? A dynamic, sell-millions-of-CDs voice? I dunno. I don't think so, unfortunately. And man, what are the odds of having two severely visually impaired children, without any genetic predisposition for it? That's nuts!
3.) Danny Gokey. "PYT". Great beginning, nice, slow. "I want to love you!" Belt it out, brotha! This guy is so not at all boring. He's fun to watch. Moves may be a little Taylor Hicks-like (eesh) - my mom should be thrilled. But he has a really, really good voice! Strong. Pure, but with a touch of raspiness in all the right places. With a winning personality and most excellent eyewear. I just love this guy! I'd be one of those yazoos in the audience yelling, "DanNY, DanNY, DanNy!" Okay, so, here come the judges. Paula's looking all thoughty, with her hand pressed to her bosom, like she has something profound to say. "The mark of a true artist is when you can hear somebody...even with your eyes closed...and know who they are." Um. Yeah!! What she said!
4.) Michael Sarver. "You Are Not Alone". Not bad. Good song choice. His voice seems to lend itself well to slow, "feely" songs. And he's singing it quite nicely. Ah, I feel calm and tranquil. (Or maybe that's because Sophie's tucked ever so nicely in bed.) Overall, a very likeable guy. With a perfectly nice performance. ...Man, it would stink to follow Danny.
5.) Jasmine Murray. "I'll Be There". Okay, so, enter the supermodel of the competition. Oh, wait, it's a whole family of supermodels. Love the tasteful face glitter, the rockin' lip gloss, the super cute little dress! Okay, focus, this is a singing competition (Simon). Great composure, great stage presence, great style. The singing - eh, pretty good. A tad screechy. But not bad at all. If her performance were an Algebra test, I'd say it would be about a B-.
(Criminy, how many people are there?)
6.) Kris Allen. "Remember The Time". Oh, no, he's twittering around in a circle. Please, I so want this guy to do well. Conway! Home to our old stomping grounds! Go, Arkie Boy, go! Oh, wait. It's not so bad. Kind of Jason Mraz-y. I think the guitar is mostly a prop, for his comfort on the stage. Or maybe there's something wrong with my ears. I can't really hear it. Sheesh, this guy is cute! I want to stick quarters in those deep dimples! He's pretty good, too! I wish he'd stand still and sing a slow song, so I could really hear his voice. But overall, a nice job. And Paula ("don't take this the wrong way"), finds him sexy. (Urp.) Just panned over to the wife. She looks like she might like a few words with Paula in a dark alley. Oh, now Simon's trying to convince Kris that he "brought the wife out too early". He seems to be suggesting that he should consider tucking her discreetly away in the closet with the linen towels for a few more rounds. Oh, shikies. The wife is not amused.
7.) Allison Iraheta. "Give In To Me". Just simply do the things I say. Love is a feeling. Give it when I want it. Give in to me. Uh? So, okay, I know I was a bit "behind" when I was sixteen - the Barbies had barely made their way to the attic (where, I'm sure Ken was thinking these type of naughty things about busty Barbie). ...But yowser! Isn't this song a wee smidge "grown up" for a sixteen year old? The judges don't seem to think so. They're talking about her confidence and presence. Her strong voice. Okay. Apparently I'm an Old Fogie. I was blushing in front of myself during this one. And, totally off subject (but, quick!, we need another subject, right?) - I'd love to see what Allison looks like without the Raggedy Ann hair.
8.) Anoop Desai. Oh, no! He's doing it! He's singing "Beat It". Dang it, I so wanted this guy to do well. Maybe it won't be as bad as it is in my head. Oh, no, he's doing the Beat It Face. I think that snarl thing is supposed to be "energy". No, no, no. I can see up his nostrils. And, yes, I'm not the most "tone inclined" person in the world, it's true, but I'm pretty sure this isn't in tune. Oh, gosh. It's really bad. Duo-with-Al-Yankovic bad. Yikes. I fear this may be it for the Noop Dog.
9.) Jorge Nunez. "Never Can Say Goodbye". Oh, my. Cheesepuffs, dipped in Cheese Whiz, with a side baggie of Cheese-Its. NO! I feel like this was the singing version of a Harlequin romance novel. All we need is the Fabio hair-flip and we're all set for the Love Fest. I'm getting the heebie-jeebies. Maybe there's hope for Anoop after all.
10.) Megan Joy Corkrey. (Yowser, that's a mouthful! Try saying that fast three times.) "Rockin' Robin". Okay. Partridge Family, anyone? Actually, kind of Partridge Family meets Pink. Weird. I like this girl's voice, but her dancing and shoulder bee-bopping and hip-wiggling and lip-pooching is a tad distracting for me. I feel like MJ's way more talented than her song choices have highlighted so far. She's quirky and fun and pretty as heck, but so far her performances have just been odd. HELLO. Did she just caw at the end? Twice? Am I going loco, none of the judges act like they heard it.
11.) Adam Lambert. "Black And White". I have to admit, this is the other guy I tune in for. I think he's really interesting. And, he has one HECK of a big 'ole voice. Sometimes a bit too big, perhaps. He reminds me of somebody. Who is it? Anybody know? He's "current", as the judges love to point out. (Although for me, he's less current, more 80's Aerosmith. But, being an 80's girl, that's so NOT a problem.) And nope, he's not one bit nervous. This is easy-peasy for Adam. He's ready to go on tour now. (Will somebody please shut Paula up. The woman is flailing, flapping, and Groupie-ing all over the place. She's flushed, for Pete's sake.) But I agree - to a slightly less take-me-to-the-back-of-your-your-tour-bus degree. He's in. Yes, I know, there are ten weeks to go, but I'll go so far as to call it now: Gokey vs. Lambert in the finale (if Adam can reign it in a bit).
12.) Matt Giraud. "Human Nature". (Russ just seized this moment to inform me that "Thriller" was the first cassette tape he ever bought. That makes me really giggle, for some reason. Okay, I know the reason. If you know Russ at all, you know the reason, too. Hee.) This guy is definitely Justin Timberlake-y. Big time. I liked this performance a lot. Loved the piano. It was good. A solid A-. If Adam goes Space Monkey in the theatrics department, Matt will join Danny in the finale and bring sexy back.
13.) Alexis Grace. "Dirty Diana". This girl can definitely sing! Yowsa! But, man, I've always hated this song. I hate, hate, hate the chorus. Dirty Diana! Dirty Diana! Dirty Diana! Screamed over and over. Ick. I had trouble getting into the song because of that. But she's good. Lots of attitude. (But not in a bad way. Not Sophie-banished-to-her-room 'tude.) I really like pretty pink Alexis, and I hope she picks a better song next week.
Okay. I'm tired. Maybe live-blogging isn't for me. Can you call it "live" if you're using a DVR and pausing every three seconds so your fingers can catch up to the performances? Nope? Still, phew, I feel like I've run a race. This being judgemental stuff is work! What did you guys think? Who was good...bad...ugly? I'd love to hear your thoughts.