Well, it's looking like I'm going to have to return home undiagnosed.
Several of my test results won't be back until mid-next week. And the vestibular department can't get me in until December 23rd. We tried standby today and nothing. Just a lot of frustration. And a lot of patients showing up for their appointments (no "accidental forgetting" going on, no siree). As well as a good bit of snot and tears when I realized that I would be living with this mess for at least another month. And then there's the part about spending Christmas away from our family. ...Well. Yeah, I should probably just not talk about that part.
They said we're "welcome" to try standby next week. But, Mary, the front desk lady that we've become very acquainted with over the past several days, had a weary expression that clearly said: "Dudes, you will so be wasting your time." She didn't say that. (Probably because she saw I was about to burst into tears and raid her cabinet of drugs.) But we got what she meant.
So we road the transit back to the hotel, with me fighting back tears that wanted to erupt out with the force of a full-body sneeze. I felt myself doing that weird "I will not cry!" face. You know the one? The one that looks like a cross between: I-smell-something-funny, and I-just-escaped-from-the-Loony-Bin. Yep. That's the face I made for ten blocks.
Now we're back in our room and the weeps have turned into a slow smolder of tick-offedness. It's hard not to be aggravated with the fact that I was referred up here for balance problems, and yet I can't get in to see the balance doctors. I mean, maybe I'm not thinking rationally right now, but wouldn't it be good to check to see if a patient could be seen by the department that deals with their key issue before having that patient make the drive up from Arkansas?
Really, I'm not even sure who I'm mad at. The doctors here are insanely nice (hands-down some of the nicest doctors I've ever encountered), so I know the oversight wasn't intentional. But, still, frustrating.
Now we have to decide how we're going to get back up here, during a month when there's typically heaps of snow and ice everywhere. How Russ is going to be able to miss more work, when he's out of vacation time. How we're going to be away from Sophie again, without squalling, and how our family is going to keep her again, without yanking out the few hairs still intact from keeping her all this week. And last but not least, how I'm going to continue to live feeling like a drunkard, without wanting to put the ladder up to the roof for a fun little homemade attempt at flying.
We have stuff to figure out.
But first we're going out. To freeze our brain cells in 2 degree weather and drown our frustration in greasy Chinese food. Mmm. Moo Goo Gai Pan.