Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Also Answer To "Oscar The Grouch"

Can someone explain this to me...

Why do doctors always insist on using the word "uncomfortable" to describe a procedure, when what they really mean is "this is gonna hurt like hell"?

Is it because:

a.) They've never personally experienced the procedure, and from their extensive book research, "uncomfortable" sounds like a fitting description?

b.) They believe "uncomfortable" is less horrific sounding than "horrific", and therefore, less likely to cause you to run screaming from their office when they lay out their vast array of shiny, pokey-scrapey instruments on the table?

Whatever the reason, it's annoying. And it belittles the pain a patient is experiencing. And the little knee pats, which, I know, are meant to be sympathetic, just add to the whole I'm A Big Baby embarrassment of it all.

I'm grumpy.

And, yes, I'm probably being unfair. My dad is a doctor, and I know he is sympathetic and he does try to accurately describe procedures to patients. I know "uncomfortable" is probably just a more universal, for lack of a better word, description for a test NOT the equivalent of a skip through Baskin Robbins. Pain is a relative term.

That said...

If anybody ever holds a gun to your head and tells you to pick between a spinal tap and an endometrial biopsy, go with the spinal tap. BELIEVE me. A million times more pleasant than having your cervix clamped and dilated and your uterus lining lassoed out through a straw.

The end.

8 comments:

Lindsey said...

Why didn't they just give you a spinal BLOCK before they did that nasty procedure. YUCK.

Kritter Krit said...

I think because normally it's not complicated (painful, but pretty quick), so it's an in-office procedure. However, since I've never had children (Soph's adopted), my stupid, stinking cervix wouldn't cooperate.

As a result, they couldn't even DO the biopsy. So I may have to have some kind of block when we try again. Either that or they're going to have to club me when I walk in the door and knock my butt OUT.

sarah p said...

I had to have my cervix clamped once in a procedure. Yikes. It's a close second to childbirth, in my opinion. Not pleasant at all. My Dr. told me to take two ibuprofens before the procedure to help with the "discomfort". TWO?! Try a whole bottle with a splash of vodka and a vicodin chaser. Then, MAYBE. I'm so sorry you had to go through that!

Kristen said...

Oh Kristy, not fun at all. I had fertility problems before getting prego with Fia and had a few procedures...all of which were beyond "uncomfortable" so I feel your pain. Next time just give the MD a good knee in the groin and say "HA, now we're even sucker!" and walk out! LOL!

Kritter Krit said...

Yeah, that's what they told me to do, too. Clearly the people talking up the Ibuprofen have never had their cervix clamped.

And it wasn't like clamp once and get down to business. It was like clamp, clamp, clamp, clamp, clampityclampclampclamp. I have no idea what was going on - if she was having to re-clamp often, or if it was from something else.

I do know I felt like after all that, I should have left having birthed SOMETHING, you know?

Josh and Margo said...

What happened to discretion?

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness Oscar wrote that one instead of Kristy, because Mr. Lindsey just got an ear... eye...behind (oops) FULL. :)
Sorry you are having to go through all of this. Email me sometime and feel me in.
Aunt Becky
PS - Did Sophie get her decorated porch or am I going to have to talk to Russ???

Kritter Krit said...

I know! Poor Mr. Lindsey will be scarred for life.

With me, discretion seems to fly out the window when ticked-offedness enters in. Russ probably should've hidden my laptop when I got home from the doctor's appointment to keep me from "talking".

I think it was the pain for naught that broke the cervix's back.

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