So Wednesday morning I went to the doctor to have my boob looked at. (I know, enough already! Seriously, peeps, I promise to write about something other than my medical oddities, in the very near future, hopefully.)
One of mine has been a bit weird the past few months. Basically, I've had this bump - this bizarre spider-bite looking bump, that comes and goes. It starts off relatively non-scary looking, like your average bug bite, and then proceeds to redden and flatten and spread to the size of a half dollar.
Anywhere else on my body this would be no biggee. I would just label it My Weird Spot and go on. However, since it decided to set up residence where it did, it upped the scary factor considerably.
The gynecologist originally treated it with some antibiotics. But then it came back a second and third time. At which point she made the "Hmmm, what the heck is going ON?" face (you know, the one that makes you pee your pants a little) and referred me to another guy.
The next thing I know, I'm scheduling surgery for the following day. Yep. He didn't know what it was either, but in combination with how I've been feeling the past few months, he wanted to make sure it wasn't "something serious" (a.k.a. The Big C). Plus, he's a surgeon. Cutting comes with the job title. So I'm not sure why I left his office and sat out in the parking lot stunned. I should have known what was coming.
He lopped off a big chunk of tissue yesterday afternoon and now here I sit...
One boob is a size...well, okay, we won't go into that. (Aren't you proud, mom? Discretion.) Suffice to say the other one is considerably larger. Think Dolly Parton with a little "enhancement" work. It would be pretty entertaining, walking around with a watermelon under my chin, if it didn't hurt like a mother scratcher. Turns out Rightie didn't much enjoy her date with the scalpel and is opting to voice her disapproval by turning a ragin' shade of purple-black.
Which is why I'm on Darvocet. All goofy and hazy. And not hugely concerned with any of this at this exact moment. Hee HEE! Medical stuff, schmedical schtuff. It's all good. More drugs, please.
A big thanks to Mark's mom, who kept Sophie with very little warning and without a speck of hesitation. Mam'ma Jane, you're the sweetest! Thank you so much.