Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Cuteness on a Bench (...as well as a not so cute update on what's next for my colon.)

Yesterday Sophie came up mid-play and told me she wanted to send a message to Germany.

"Mom, I need to say some stuff to Uncle Walt and Auntie Annie. You can hear it too, if you want."

So I got the video camera out and sat down, ready to capture whatever entertainment came forth. That's when she held up her hand and informed me, "Oh, wait, Mama! You probably should tell them my message, okay? I'm feeling nice and shy."

RIGHT! Shy. Good one! Sophie, honey, Mama is significantly less cute on camera. She's sporting her oh so attractive Ace bandage look again these days. Let's go with Operation Cuteness, rather than Operation Scare The Poo Outta The Internet.

I talked her out of her newfound camera shyness, and she started talking. Sort of. I'm still not completely sure WHAT she's saying at the beginning of this little gem of a message. Something about, as she picks her toes, "This is Kristin." (Huh?) "I want to do something...really nice...for all the people...over there." Or something mumbly and random like that.

Who knows?? But I do know she misses you guys tons! She talks about you often. And at fairly odd times. She told a lady in line at Target the other day, "These are my Hello Kitty bandaids. Walt and Annie are in Germany. I miss them, and I think I should live in Germany."

(Aww. Sniffles.)

In other news: The nurse from Dr. Colonoscopy's office called this morning. I had thought (in my loopy haze) I'd remembered him saying "everything looked good" and that he had been able to see "pretty much everything". I remember him being fairly pleased (for a tight-lipped, anal guy who doesn't exhibit pleasure) that he had been able to see "really high up" into No Man's Land during the procedure. He actually smiled, that's how excited he was.

However, apparently, as hard as this is to imagine, he didn't see as much as he wanted to.

His nurse informed me today that now he wants me to do some wackadoo test that involves swallowing a camera (oh yes, you read that right). Swallowing a camera and wearing a back-pack for six hours while pictures of my innards are transmitted to some sort of receiver thingee that's strapped to my torso. (And then beamed up to E.T., who will interpret the results.) It seems there is a small section of the small intestine that is unreachable by the scope, and therefore, unviewable, from the top (via EGD) or from the bottom (via colonoscopy).

So now, it appears, this is the plan -- for me to ingest a camera, imbedded in a pill the size of Texas, to see if there is an explanation as to why I'm not absorbing vitamin D (despite being on mega doses for months and months) and why I am doing various other unmentionably nasty gastric things.

Kudos for modern medicine, but is this really the point we've reached? Digesting a camera?? EATING a camera. On purpose. While awake. ...Oh, and yes, the nurse thought she'd mention, there is a chance that the camera can get stuck in the small bowels. Stuck. LODGED. Wedgi-rific! And, yawn (she YAWNED), yes, it would then need to be surgically removed.

Oh, um. Okay. Ho hum.


Anyone else think participating in this project sounds the teeniest smidge nut buckets? Feel free to chime in with a hearty, Aggie-inspired "Hell, yes!"


emily said...

Yuck, Kristy! I can't believe you're going to have to swallow a camera. I had to go through oodles of medical tests a couple of years ago to figure out some problem unknown to 4 doctors until I finally happened on one doctor who ordered the right kind of test (a test where I had to drink this nastiness and then breathe into a plastic bag every 5 minutes for 4 hours...weird). Anyway, they finally figured it out, but I feel your pain...being poked and prodded by all those doctors can get seriously old when all you really want is someone to tell you how they can fix it.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Hopefully one of these days I'll check your blog and they'll have solved your mystery!

The Mani said...

First, about this camera ingestion...zowie. Here's hoping your intestines can "keep it moving, boys" (as we say around our house). Hope the outcome involves that thing coming out on the other side and a movie of your bowels that shows everything is fine...or slightly not fine but easily fixable...is that what we're hoping for at this point? Can we post this intestinal footage to your blog? : )

Secondly, SOPHIE! If she isn't the cutest, bouncy-curled thing ever to sit on a bench...love that girl. We're missing Uncle Walt and Auntie Annie over here, too.

Last, but certainly not least, "Roy, you've got to wake up and pass gas" will live on in our family, I have a feeling. Oh my. I've still got the giggles.

Love you guys.


Kritter Krit said...


Yeah, I keep hoping, in this aggravating process, I'll stumble upon that "one doctor" who orders the right test.

In the meantime, you're absolutely right, the poking and prodding and (may I add) EXPENSE is getting old. I just want somebody to say, "Hark! Here's the problem and here's how we fix it!" Either that, or I'd like all of this wackiness to POOF...go AWAY (mysteriously and forever), leaving nothing but a bad memory in its wake.

Because right now, quality of life is...well, not so quality. The constant clinging to stuff to keep from falling down and the INSANE headaches - they're making it hard to do much of anything. BUT I'm forcing myself to drag my pitiful butt up to the stationary bike every day for twenty minutes of riding. I'm hoping the endorphins act like a drug (woo hoo!), and I know I need the movement.

Anyway, wrapping up the novel. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers.


Intestinal footage. Now THAT would be some mighty fine blog material. Uh huh!

Yeppers. At this point we want "found" and "fixable". And, may I add, "fast". I feel like I'm going down with the ship right now. My mood is begging me to toss a few other f-words into this paragraph. Whoops.

Roy. Ah, good 'ole Roy. He provided some excellent entertainment, or at least his wife certainly did. =)

Josh & Margo said...

We do the swallow a camera test at the VA, it is pretty cool and I have not heard of anyone getting one stuck yet. You should definitely ask for a copy of the pictures. I hope they figure out what is going on soon.

Kritter Krit said...


Okay, so you're the person to ask!

How BIG is the stinking camera??

Am I going to need to do some esophagus stretching exercises prior to swallowing the dude? (I'm kidding, of course. I have no idea what esophagus stretching exercises are.) ...But you know what I mean.

And not to be totally disgusting, but how the heck do you know if you've passed the thing? Is there a post-picture poop sorting drill that's going to depress me even more? Or is the thing so huge there's no guesswork involved?


sarah p said...

I agree with LIsa - this footage should be attained and posted on the blog for our viewing (dis)pleasure. I would love to be with you at the dr. office when you ask them, "ahem. excuse me? yes, could I please get a copy of this footage for my blog? my readers would REALLY like to see my innards."

This sounds pretty fascinating to me. I would like to see how big this pill is.

I love Sophie's message to annie and walt. So sweet. Tell her we'd love for her to come and visit Jackson in Cincinnati! (you guys are invited, too - of course)


Jen Forbes said...

I'm thinking Sophie's message will have Walt and Annie on a plane headed for home in no time. That was adorable and I LOVED the hug (and Mama's cackle) at the end.
Colons are funny things,...when YOU talk about them. You're a riot. The camera talk made me crack up. Thanks for the laughs and we'll pray for an answer soon. Tell Russ to get the Bengay and RUB. Also, have him watch your forehead for that lovely shade of purple/maroon that your skin turns when the ace bandage is too tight. Perhaps it is affecting your colon...

Kritter Krit said...


We would love to accompany Sophs to see you guys. She would have a blast with Jackson (she still has his card in her room, by the way). =)


I know, wasn't the hug CUTE. I loved that she was headed to give them one before I even mentioned it. Great timing. And the cackle at the end from Mama - yeah, that was me tipping over from the squeeziness. Hee.

Russ is not huge on the Bengay rubs. The nursing home waftings make him...well, he doesn't like that smell as much as the "Happy" perfume (I used to wear), we'll say that. Plus, buddy, you spoiled me. You ROCK at Bengay rubs. Seriously, I was goo. I may have to fly you back out just for that! =)

And the "ace bandage equals funky colon" theory -- you may be on to something. Of course, right now the whole system is pretty much wacked. I feel like I'm about 100. Do you think a too squeezy Ace bandage can take down the whole ship? Yikes.

Lvoe you too!

Bobbie said...

Oh wow!! That sounds like a ton of fun!! I can't wait to hear the details on that one!

Sophie is so adorable these days! Love the video.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sweet Sophie! Thank you so much for our video message. It was WONDERFUL! We miss you so much, too. I wish we could come over right now and dance around in your bedroom to "Clap Your Hands". (You should know that Uncle Walt and I still sing that song sometimes!)

I love you so, so, SO much!
Auntie Annie

p.s. We taught our friends in language school the "Wiggle Worm" song, and they loved it, too!

Robert (Bob) English said...

All I wanna say is that you should try and get a job as a TV show writer (a comedy, by the way). Maybe you could even work from home. I'm here laughing very hard.

Robert (Bob) English said...

Oh yeah, and Sophie's video was just adorable. I especially liked the ending alot too.

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