Wednesday, May 14, 2008

When Good E.T. Goes Bad

The concept of E.T. (in theory): Cute. Fun. Beloved family classic.

The reality of E.T (to a three year old): Bad. Bad. Oh, sweet lapse of parental smarts, BAAAAD.

The other day we were watching something on television when a trailer for E.T came on. (I'm not sure why. Maybe it's about to be re-released for the 25th...26th anniversary?) Anyway, Sophie saw the clip and was mesmerized. Glued to the screen. Like Gorilla glue to a...well, who are we kidding -- to everything needing fixing in our house. She stared, without moving or blinking for the entire two minute clip. Immediately following came the questions...

What was that weird thing? Why was his finger on fire? Why does he talk like that? What does "FO toe" mean? Why is he such a funny walker. LOOK AT HIS CHEST! IT'S RED! Why is it red? Bicycles can't fly! Can they, can a bicycle fly, Mama? His head is really BIG. Ooo, nasty, why is he in that bag? Why is that little boy crying? Is E.T sick? Where are those yellow men taking E.T?

Seriously she was firing the questions off bam, bam, bam faster than I could answer them. It reminded me of the whole Incredible Hulk experience of not so long ago.

It's funny. Sophie is a happy kid 99.9% of the time. Very happy. She always has been, even as a refluxy infant with feeding issues. Not much gets her down, and she's tougher than anyone I know, adults included. That said, ever so often, she surprises me. Occasionally, out of the blue, something really upsets her. Usually something that totally catches me off guard.

For example, "One Shining Moment" - the song by Luther Vandross that they play every year at the end of the NCAA men's basketball tournament. (Happy song. Perky beat, right? Cheerleaders!) A year ago (she was two, mind you), she was watching the clip of when Arkansas won the national championship with Russell. It was barely a few seconds into the song when she burst into tears. BURST. We tried to get her to explain what was wrong, but she just couldn't seem to verbalize what had made her upset. She just kept her head buried in her daddy's shoulder, as the sad little tears continued to fall. She finally stopped crying and wandered away. Still slightly droopy, but back to playing.

We chalked it up as being one of those bizarre kid moments.

But then one night, six or so months later, Russ was again watching clips of "One Shining Moment" on YouTube. (The boy loves that song. I don't know. Male bonding through celebration. Persevering to victory. Fist pump to the heavens! Something like that.) Sophie heard the music playing and walked toward the office to investigate. When she got close enough to recognize what it was, she started wailing. "No Shiny Moment! Daddeeeeeeee, no Shiny Moment!"

I looked at Russell, like what the...?? Stunned, Russ pulled her up on his lap and began the line of questions to try to get her to explain why she had reacted as she had.

Nothing. Just some incoherent mumblings between sniffles about a "sad dog". "Her sad dog." She pleaded with us to turn it off. Which we did, of course. I looked at Russ, "Okay. No more Shiny Moments in front of the wee one."

How quickly we forget. This year, prior to the championship game, Russ casually mentioned during our dinner (and viewing of the game on the big screen at TGI Friday's) that he was looking forward to hearing "his song". He got as far as "Man, we have to make sure we're home in time to see Shining Mo..." before Sophie blurted out, "Huh uh! I'm not going to watch that song, Daddy."

Thankfully, she was tucked snugly in bed before any hints of the offensive post-game moment came on.

I don't know. A mystery. For sure.

But I do know our little toughie has a tender side. Sometimes things just affect her. Oddly. And truth be told, maybe it was an Obtuse Mom moment, but I honestly didn't think much about it when she asked to watch E.T's "on fire finger" on the computer screen yesterday afternoon.

I thought aw, yeah, I loved that! I think Uncle Zach even had one of those E.T fingers! Excited to show her the clip, I came in and pulled up the glowing finger scene on good 'ole YouTube. Which, if you'll remember, also happens to be E.T's departure scene. THE SCENE. You know, the scene that rips your guts out. And then flies them, and all of your sad little tears, out of your body to outer space. Along with your mom's pot of gerber daisies. That one.

Again, duh. Whoosh. Right over my head. I'd forgotten how that felt.

We were a little into the clip when I thought I heard her make a noise. I looked over and tears were glistening in her eyes, threatening to spill over. I reached for her and that small gesture was enough to activate the lip quiver.

In a shaky voice, she asked me:

"Mama? Where is E.T going?"

I started to answer... "Well..." (Crap!)

"Why does he have to leave?"

"Honey, he has to go home to his family."

I was just about to say, "Wouldn't you want to be with your family?" when it hit. The flood gates broke, and a deluge of tears, the likes of which I've never seen before, came rushing out. I scooped her up. She buried her head in my shoulder. Sobbing. Refusing to come up. Broken-hearted and just sobbing.

Oh, Toto.

I was rubbing her back in slow little circles. "Sophie, honey, I'm sorry. It's okay. E.T's happy! He gets to go home, yay! And Elliot will be fine because he'll keep E.T right here." (I pointed to her head and heart. Help! How did that line go?)

"I. don't want. E.T to. leave."

She was crying so hard she couldn't even get it out in one breath.

"Sophie, honey..." (Crying harder.)

I tried another approach. "Sophie, sweetie. E.T isn't real." (Oh, good. Now's when I should tell her about Santa Claus. And her good buddy, Elmo.) "It's make-believe. He's like a costume. Remember at Halloween when we dress up in costumes?"

"He's (hiccup) real, Mama. He's (hiccup) l- leeeeeaving, and (hiccup) Elliot is sad. SEE! And (gulp for air) E.T is sad. Mama, why does he have to leeeeeeave?"

I scrambled to silence the video clip. Be gone, sad music!

Oh, man. I suck.

Following another two hours (!) of questions. Discussing E.T., and how he wasn't sad. Not really. Or real. Not sad or real. (Better to get it all out now than at 2:00 in the morning.) And finally she let out a big sigh.

"Mommy? You know what?"

"What, honey?"

"I don't think I should watch E.T anymore. Not even when I'm bigger. Or big bigger."

That's code for: I'm revoking your priviledges as parent. Since your Good Judgement-o-Meter is clearly defective, I should probably be the one to screen what I watch from now on.

Yes, my love. Agreed.

No more E.T. Or any other extra-terrestrial creature who deserts his grief-stricken best friend to return home with the Mother ship. At least not until you're in high school and have a tried-and-true system for coping with traumatic moments - like locking yourself in the bathroom and eating Oreos, while listening to REO Speedwagon.

We shook on it.

19 comments:

Russ said...

Oreos and REO Speedwagon? That is a little bit twisted, don't you think?

She can watch OSM now if it doesn't have sad dogs on it. We have tried it while you are out gallavantin'. :-)

Kritter Krit said...

Pining for Brian. It made me all wonky.

So, you're saying Operation Torture Our Child occurs regularly when I'm out? Is that your version of "desensitizing", Daddy-o? ;)

And how do you know if a "sad dog" is going to appear or not? Don't a lot of teams have dog mascots?

Brett said...

Okay--that's enough "on line" jostling for Parent of the Year award. Also, the visual of Oreos and REO Speedwagon isn't twisted as much as it's just plain depressing.

I cried when One Shining Moment came on after Arkansas won the national championship (i think i was in Hendrix's fountain at the time).

I also cried at E.T. (twice)--and I was 7 or 8 when i got to see it because it was on in the theater for at least a year. Man, remember the days when things didn't go to video in 4 months?

Kristen said...

Ok, I almost (literally!) peed my pants reading this post. So Funny!!!

It is so hard to predict their reactions...I have learned that I must preview EVERYTHING before Fia watches it...

Kritter Krit said...

Brett,

Oreos and Reo are the best way to get through the angst of (unreturned) teenage love. (Sigh.) Hey! REO is part of Oreo! See...perfect together!

I was in my dorm room during the Arkansas game. Couch Hall. Ten or so other people cheering and jumping, with me, on my bed. It was madness, I say! We got word that there were some goobers frolicking in the fountain. I should have known you were one of them! ;)

Kristen,

Yeah. The pre-screen would have been the better way to go. Whoops.

Lora Lee said...

You never know what's gonna kick those tears into gear. Sometimes even prescreening doesn't work. We let DeLane watch just about anything. When he watched A.I. Artificial Intelligence, he cried when the teddy bear got left behind. He also didn't like the end of All Dogs go to Heaven.

Anonymous said...

Kristy - deja vu!! Yet again, I have to say how alike Sophie and Amy are. We, too caught E.T. on TV just recently and Mike and I though, 'the kids will love this!' To cut a long story short, little Amy sat there with tears streaming down her face, her bottom lip quivering and my heart broke! I cried for her!! We decided no E.T. again too!!

I'm glad I can relate to E.T. as for the rest of the messages - I'm clueless, there's definitely a gap in US/English translation - guess we always knew that, hey, Kristy?!
Sally

Kritter Krit said...

Lora Lee,

All Dogs Go To Heaven. Yeah, that one would get her for sure, considering the "sad dog" in One Shining Moment (the one we can't ever find!) makes her squall.

Sally,

Hi, buddy!

That darned US/English translation gap! It's mutual though. I remember MANY times at Hendrix thinking, "Say, what??" when you would describe things. The MAJOR differences in certain words certainly made for some funny moments! =0 Tell Mike and the girls hi for us.

Anonymous said...

ET was my all time favorite movie. Who would think how badly affected an almost 4-year old would be? I won't report you to the Child Protective Services division this time but you better be more careful. ;)

Auntie Em

Shayna said...

Ohh, poor Sophie. E.T. is rough! It was an intense experience for me as a... what, ten-year-old? Though I count it now as one of the best movie experiences of my childhood, if I had been younger if would have been hard. I hope she's able to get over her E.T. phobia eventually. :)

It reminds me of the Great Charlotte's Web Debacle of 1980. It took me 27 years to watch another version of that movie. Trauma! It was the only time I ever cried over a movie, I think.

Anonymous said...

I've never seen a more adorable picture of a human being than the last shot on this post. Sophie perseveres. I, too, was traumatized by E.T. Sophie is beyond-her-years brilliant with her cute questions and her final decision to NEVER watch that again. You have a precious treasure in that little girl.
Give her a squeeze for me...
Love,
Jen
Come visit us. 3 of my 4 girls are sooooo suffering with allergies this week. They could use a dose of Sophie to spring them back to life. Miss you!

Val said...

GREAT POST! It cracks me up how "One Shining Moment" brings on the water works for a 3-year-old. She appreciates all that hard work those teams put in all season, I guess. =)
And it's SO sweet that Sophie cried at E.T.! I've been waiting for Mackenzie to pull something like that, but it hasn't happened yet. So sweet!

Mark said...

Awww...poor Sophie.

Can't say I blame her, though. I would defy anyone not to get a little misty listening to the piano intro to OSM. What? Don't remember that part of the original Teddy Pendergrass recording? See here:

Indiana Hoosiers 1987 One Shining Moment

Luther's version is okay...Teddy's is better. Bring it back CBS and I'll stop turning off the TV.

Kritter Krit said...

Em,

Yeah, I know. Especially THIS almost four-year old! We miss you!

Shayna,

I can't remember if I was a crier in movies or not. I am now. But I seem to remember just getting throat-lumpy during the sad parts of movies when I was a kid. Except for when I read "Where The Red Fern Grows". Oh man, I locked myself in my room and bawled!

Jen,

Okay. You're awesome. Your comment was all Jen-ified and just SWEET. I miss you, buddy. It's about time for you to return to our casa. Fajitas. Chocolate cheesecake. Soon again, let's do it! (Sooner if you win the lottery.)

Val,

Yeah, it's a head-scratcher, that's for sure! Maybe you're right. Maybe it's all that hard work the teams exert! Hee.

Mark,

Ooo. Much better version. Love it!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is hilarious. Your child is the perfect subject for your wit.

Love,
Nicole

Anonymous said...

Pretty good stuff. I'm telling you, you need to write a book!

Manjeev

sarah p said...

Mental Note: Do not take her to the NCAA museum in Indianapolis, IN. They have a complete display with a t.v. that plays EVERY SINGLE YEAR'S version of "One Shining Moment". All you have to do is just push the button, and viola! You could have instant tears. (Dave loves, loves, loves that part of the tournament - every year...and then for the next few days he walks around singing, "The ball is tipped...")

Precious Sophie.

Kritter Krit said...

Sarah,

Oh, man...no. Huh uh. I can't even imagine that scene. EVERY SINGLE YEAR'S "Shiny Moment"?? That would push her RIGHT over the edge. Every time someone pushed the button, she would wail. Poor litle thing. We'd need Gatorade and IV fluids. Stat!

Anonymous said...

Three-year-olds are so impressionable that I think almost all T.V. and videos should be banned. (Remember your last visit and the only thing that made a real impression?) Too much fodder for nightmares on the tube for those little munchkins...well, for big munchkins, too. Love, Mooms

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