I talked to her this morning and she's still in mourning.
"I just can't believe it! He was so good. And so cute. And (big sigh), now it's just not gonna be near as much fun to watch the show."
Poor woman. She sounded so sad.
America! You should be ashamed of yourself. What were you thinking? I mean, what's not to love about a hot Australian with a deep luscious voice? And messy hair (in that good way that makes you want to grab a handful).
Not that either of us can complain too much. I mean, after all, we didn't vote. Not once. We just expected you guys to get it right.
Watching Ryan announce the results, I had a very strong Daughtry flashback. The look on Michael Johns's face was pretty much identical to the one Chris Daughtry displayed two years ago. Kind of a cross between "Huh?" and "Well, crap."
When Ryan said, "Normally we don't kick anyone off during the 'Idol Gives Back' week." (And then paused for dramatic flair and said...) "But tonight we'll be saying goodbye to Michael Johns..." there was this collective gigantic intake of air from the audience. Followed by much booing and many oh-my-gosh-this-is-just-horrific-but-at-least-it's-not-me nervous looks between the other contestants.
And the worst thing was poor Michael Johns - just standing there stunned, like someone had run over his puppy. While he stood on the curb and watched.
Or told him he couldn't wear those snazzy little neckerchief doodads anymore.
I almost shed a teeny tear.
So, America. It seems you are a tad confused. Perhaps your predisposition for all things INSANELY YOUNG and voice-cracky is clouding your judgement. So, in light of where I think we're headed, I thought I'd intervene and offer a little assistance on how you should vote hence forward. (In order of how they should be eliminated.)
Number 7.) Kristy Lee Cook. I know she's from the South. I know she sold her prize horse to get to the show. I know she's blond and bubbly, with a button nose that's cute as can be. But, really, since it is a "singing competition", it's time for her to go. She's just not versatile enough (and some nights she's downright BAD - "pitchy" is putting it mildly). The only time Simon de-grumpifies (when she's on stage) is when she sings something country. That's definitely her genre. I feel pretty certain someone Nashville-like will snatch her right up. She'll be singing and dancing in her red boots on CMT by the end of the year. Write it down.
Number 6.) Syesha Mercado. Not a bad voice at all. She can "definitely blow" (to borrow from Randy's eloquence). She's also drop-dead GORGEOUS. Great skin. Rockin' hair. Amazing figure. Perhaps she should jet on over to this show and hang out for awhile. Beyond that... I don't know. She seems a wee bit lacking in the Personality Department. Dare I say, even boring? (I can poke a finger at her personality, because, you know, she's drop dead gorgeous! Who needs a personality, or a record deal for that matter, when you're going to get calls out the wazoo from modeling agencies and Noxema advertisers.)
Number 5.) Jason Castro. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy. He's yummy. And if we were in a dorm room at A&M, listening to him strum the guitar and croon away, all would be more than well. But try as I might, I just can't see him making records. His voice doesn't seem suitable for the studio or concerts. And I can't really envision myself buying a CD where the only instrumental accompaniment is a ukulele. ...That said, Gig 'em, Aggies! The fact that he bleeds maroon is enough of a reason for me to be perfectly peachy if he wins the whole thing.
Number 4.) Brooke White. When she's at the piano, with just her voice (no band accompaniment), she's awesome. Her voice is unique - strong, with a hint of cool raspy. Kind of Carly Simon-esque. In that element, she's great. Otherwise, not so much. First of all, the poor girl (bless her sunshiny, perky little heart), needs to learn when to stop talking. Particularly during the time after she sings when the judges are trying to give her feedback. They're over there attempting to critique her performance and she's all: "I know. Oh, that's fine. Oh, I know. Oh, it's okay! Oh, good. Okay. Oh, I know." It's like BROOKE! Stop talking. Just put a piece of duct tape over your mouth and shush. Stand still and listen. Another problem is she is just plain awkward if any sort of movement is required of her at all when she's on stage. She makes even a sway look uncomfortable. I get embarrassed for her...in front of myself. It's pretty bad. As is the fact that she never seems to know where to sit during the results show after Ryan tells her she's "safe". Five times now, she's been safe. Five times now, the "safe spot" is in the exact same place. And five times now, she has wandered around the stage like a lost little sheep. Muttering to herself and going to the wrong spot. All of that said, you can't help but kind of like her sweet little nanny self.
Number 3.) David Archchuleta. He's cute. He's mannerly. He's as wholesome and all-American as family picnics and apple pie. You just want to go "grandma" on him and pinch his rosy cheeks! All of pre-pubescent America absolutely ADORES him (as evidenced by the deafening squeals and screams every time he comes out on stage). You'd think he was a long-lost Beetle from the reaction he gets from the girls. And he really can sing. (At least as long as it's a slow, mildly depressing song.) But something about him is just slightly "off" for me. I honestly don't know what it is, but I know I wouldn't buy his CD. And for me, that's the mark of who I think the winner should be.
Number 2.) Carly Smithson. I know she's been in the Bottom Three several times. I know she can't dress worth a poop. I know she makes "the angry face" every time she sings. But my goodness gracious, people, the girl can SING. Plus, I'm an eighties girl, who loves all things "Heart" and Big Hair Band-like. And her voice seems to be able to belt out Power Ballads like nobody's business. Strong and clear. And she's versatile. I loved her "Blackbird" rendition a few weeks ago (despite the explanation she gave to the judges afterwards about "rising above things" and "flying" and other assorted cheesepuff things). For all of these reasons, and because I dig her funny little Irish accent, she is my runner-up person.
Number 1.) David Cook. He is the one I'm always most interested in hearing perform. He's the one who would cause me to declare an immediate boycott if he was voted off. (Kind of like I said I was going to do when Daughtry was voted off.) His vocal range and creativity is neverending. His rendition of "Billy Jean" a few weeks ago was amazing! I didn't even recognize it until the third listening. Then finally I was like, hark!, Michael Jackson. The way he sang it had such a Pearl Jam-my vibe to it. That note that he held at the end that he kicked up an octave (right when I thought he was surely out of breath) - man, wicked impressive! Even though I thought his song this past week was weird (all mumbly and monotone), and even though I cringe when I think of him having to sing a song like "Do I Make You Proud" in the finale, I think he is the clear winner this season. Hands down. Without hesitation. And now that he's shed the frontal comb-over hairdo he'd been sportin', he's ready. He sounds and looks like a star. ...Although Simon will never pull for him to win because he is aloof and "pompous" (translation: "doesn't kiss up"). O-well. We'll see what happens. Either way, I'm buying his CD as soon as it comes out.