Monday, March 3, 2008

It's Hard To Stay Out Of Trouble When You're A Fairy Princess Police Officer

This morning I sent Sophie to the bathroom to wash the syrup from breakfast off her hands, while I went to start, of course, a load of laundry. (Do I ever do anything but laundry lately? ...No, I guess not. It's the mucous + reflux = vomit equation. This cold junk has me doing bed linens at 3:00 am again. Ugh.)

I had just started the washer when Sophie appeared, looking guilty. Again.

"Uh, Mama. I probably need a spanking."

(Oh, man.)

"Sophie, what did you do?"

"Well. Um. There's some lot of water where it's not 'sposed to be."

I followed her to the bathroom and sure enough: Water. Everywhere. On the counter. Dripping from the towels. Cascading onto the floor, Niagra Falls-like, forming a lake. The roll of toilet paper was even soggy.

Lots of water, definitely where it was not 'sposed to be.

Do you know, as I was sending her to her room to sit on her bed post-punishment, the child actually had the audacity to ask if she could watch some television?

My response: "Girl, you insane in the membrane."

I don't know. It just popped out. Not my most intelligent adult response ever, I know. But it was probably preferable to some of the other things I was thinking at that moment. Who knew Cypress Hill would provide such appropriate responses to the challenges of motherhood.

******

The past two weeks have been trying. To put it mildly. I'm not sure if we're just smack dab in the middle of another phase. Or if her behavior lately stems from the fact that she's been sick for the past week and still isn't feeling the greatest. Or if this is the New Sophie - the one who's going to live in a tent in the backyard.

But it's like she's had a personality transplant. Everything, every little thing, has been a giant battle. I feel like I spend the whole day disciplining, and cleaning up messes, and acting as Death Preventer. You know, for when Sophie decides to scale the cabinets or slide down the stairs headfirst without warning.

Between the disobedience, the sassiness, the gripey attitude, and the whining (the thing I absolutely cannot tolerate), I am about to go loco. Stark raving batty. I mean, Sophie has always been a high energy, get-into-everything, mischievous kind of child. But she has also always been extremely cheerful and sweet. This willful defiance and brattiness is just not something I'm at all used to. And it's not going to fly. Brat Child is going to live a sad, lonely life in a bare, boring room without toys or privileges. (Reminiscent of when I was thirteen and not fit for society.)

Later, after I had given myself the "they're just little sinners" talk (mom knows how to boil it down to the basics) and calmed down a bit, I went into Sophie's room to talk to her. And learn the "whys" of the situation. (Not that why mattered. But, quite frankly, I genuinely wanted to know what goes on in a person's brain to take them from hand washing to flooding the bathroom. In sixty seconds. I mean, I know she's three. But still.)

So I asked...

"Sophie, why did you make such a mess and get water all over the bathroom."

As it turns out, the answer was quite simple.

"Oh, Mama (cue much expression and hand gesturing). The bad guys were running away fast. And I told them to STOP, freeze! But they didn't obey. So I made them stop with some lots of water, and then put them in jail over there."

Excuse me, what??

Maybe this will help clear it up:


8 comments:

Lora Lee said...

I love it. She is just so cute. Sorry to say but no matter what age it seems that they have a period of badness. They can be the best kids, and then next thing you know it seems like they are pushing that button every time you turn around. It is almost like they are suddenly posessed. You will survive and just remember in a blink she will be grown and you'll wish for it all back.

Love ya,

Lora Lee

Anonymous said...

Cheech,
Sophie never fails to make me smile! I LOVE the Fairy Princess Police Officer. Only Sophs would think of that!! About her being a stinker...We seem to be experiencing the same phenomenon at our humble home. Seriously can NOT figure out WHAT in tarnation has gotten into my brood. Have the planets aligned in such a way that causes wretched behavior? I feel your pain my friend. By the way, anyone know what to do with an attitudinal ten year old who does not seem to care about any sort of punishment I can dish out?!?
Hang in there Homes - We'll go insane in the membrane together!
Lvoe,
Jen

sarah p said...

That is some creativity working overtime. So sorry to hear of Sophie's new "spell". You're doing a fantastic job! Just think, before long she'll be out of this phase and on to another.

Val said...

OK, Mackenzie is doing the same thing! I really think it's a phase that follows being sick.

When they are sick, they get a bunch of sympathy, they pretty much get to eat what they want and however much they want of it, and they have a lot more freedom to do what they want, just because we feel bad for the little stinkers. So, then they feel better but have to go back to having rules??? No thank you!

Val said...

PS: I LOVE that she said, "I probably need a spanking..."

So funny!

Kritter Krit said...

Lora Lee,

It IS like she's posessed. That's what I was telling Russ last night. I know you're right. I know in a blink she'll be twelve and I'll wish she was a three year old Fairy Princess Police Officer again.

Jen,

Man, is it your whole brood?? Because I know for CERTAIN that would push me off the edge. I'm barely handling one these days. I think it is a planetary issue. Worlds are colliding...or something like that.

I love "additudinal ten year old". That has a ring to it. As for how to fix it? Hmm. I got nothing.

Lvoe you, buddy. =)

Sarah,

You're back! I was worried about you. Have you been out of town, or just taking a blogging hiatus?

Thanks for the encouragement. How's cutie patootie Jackson doing?

Val,

Yeah, the "Mama, I probably need a spanking" comment would have had me cracked UP, had I not been freaked out wondering what the heck she'd done! I knew it had to be a doozie for her to recognize her need for a fanny tanning.

You may be onto something with your Sick Theory. Sophs tends to turn into a little toot on her birthday too. It's the whole "center of attention/overindulgence" thing. I always end of thinking during her birthday party, "Man, how sad is it that I want to wring her little neck right now."

O-well. I guess this too shall pass.

Not quite the Bradys said...

HEE HEE HEE!!! It's the cabin fever, I tell you.

Lindsey said...

Um, yeah, they all go through that. With my daughter is was two weeks angelic, two weeks, smear vasaline all over her entire body, and bed posts and put the lid back on like it never happened and go to bed. . .oh, and write with permanent marker on the cabinets. Classic. She is six now, and I LOVE to tell those stories. . .you will love to tell them too. :)

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