Friday, December 28, 2007
Darn Those Idiot Parkers!
Who else thinks purchasing a couple 100-packs of these would come in handy?
How often do you see someone at Target, parked in a prime spot right up close to the store entrance -- all crooked and taking up two spaces...just because, heck, I don't know, they're special? Or unable to see the lines they're supposed to stay between. Or they're of the opinion that their vehicle is much too nice to risk parking close to another (obviously substandard) vehicle - one which could possibly ding their super-snazzy paint job.
...Or there's this special brand of Idiot Parker:
The ever-so slightly frenzied mom, trying to jet around and get errands done before naptime: the time when her child turns, like clockwork, into a gripey, argumentative little pumpkin. She quickly whips into a spot (oblivious to how wonkified she has just parked), grabs her purse, her keys, her shopping list, and the ever-important barf bucket and makes a bolt for the store. All in the name of quickly strapping her little ants-in-the-pants impatient three-year-old into a cart before she can dart out in front of oncoming traffic.
THAT Idiot Parker is the only one clearly justified in her inability to park like a normal pers...
Okay. ((Sigh)) Yeah. It was me.
I'm the doofus who was parked ridiculously crooked this morning, causing all of the cars around me to have to park in misalignment. I was actually surprised not to find one of the aforementioned bumper stickers plastered to the Odyssey when we exited the store.
It was so bad, in fact, it was almost funny. ...At least to me.
The lady trying to slinky-shimmy-squeeze herself and her shopping bags into the Civic next to my van didn't look quite as ready to see the humor in the moment. I thought about apologizing. I really did. But then, just as I was opening my mouth to say something, I caught a glimpse of her furrowed brow and her I'm-Gonna-Punch-Somebody! firmly set jaw. So I chickened out and opted instead to just keep walking down the parking row, past our vehicle and on to our "real vehicle". It would have worked. I would have been able to just skulk quietly back to my car later.
...Had Sophie not been with me pointing and yelling out, "Hey! That's our van, Mama! See? Right there! You passed it! See? Where are we going???"
Whoops. So much for Operation Undercover.
Thanks to my little Quiet Petunia, I was outed as an idiot parker AND a giant weasel.