Friday, December 28, 2007

Darn Those Idiot Parkers!

Who else thinks purchasing a couple 100-packs of these would come in handy?

How often do you see someone at Target, parked in a prime spot right up close to the store entrance -- all crooked and taking up two spaces...just because, heck, I don't know, they're special? Or unable to see the lines they're supposed to stay between. Or they're of the opinion that their vehicle is much too nice to risk parking close to another (obviously substandard) vehicle - one which could possibly ding their super-snazzy paint job.

...Or there's this special brand of Idiot Parker:

The ever-so slightly frenzied mom, trying to jet around and get errands done before naptime: the time when her child turns, like clockwork, into a gripey, argumentative little pumpkin. She quickly whips into a spot (oblivious to how wonkified she has just parked), grabs her purse, her keys, her shopping list, and the ever-important barf bucket and makes a bolt for the store. All in the name of quickly strapping her little ants-in-the-pants impatient three-year-old into a cart before she can dart out in front of oncoming traffic.

THAT Idiot Parker is the only one clearly justified in her inability to park like a normal pers...

Okay. ((Sigh)) Yeah. It was me.

I'm the doofus who was parked ridiculously crooked this morning, causing all of the cars around me to have to park in misalignment. I was actually surprised not to find one of the aforementioned bumper stickers plastered to the Odyssey when we exited the store.

It was so bad, in fact, it was almost funny. ...At least to me.

The lady trying to slinky-shimmy-squeeze herself and her shopping bags into the Civic next to my van didn't look quite as ready to see the humor in the moment. I thought about apologizing. I really did. But then, just as I was opening my mouth to say something, I caught a glimpse of her furrowed brow and her I'm-Gonna-Punch-Somebody! firmly set jaw. So I chickened out and opted instead to just keep walking down the parking row, past our vehicle and on to our "real vehicle". It would have worked. I would have been able to just skulk quietly back to my car later.

...Had Sophie not been with me pointing and yelling out, "Hey!  That's our van, Mama! See? Right there! You passed it! See? Where are we going???"

Whoops. So much for Operation Undercover.

Thanks to my little Quiet Petunia, I was outed as an idiot parker AND a giant weasel.



Shayna said...

Those bumper stickers you linked to are fantastic! There are definitely times I wish I had some. I have been known to gently place a handful of gravel on a badly-parked driver's windshield, above the windshield wipers, or park exactly in the center of my adjoining space, leaving about two inches on their driver's side for them to (not) open the door. But I understand sometimes you're just in a hurry, and harried, and you don't take the time - I do it too sometimes, to my embarrassment. What really bugs me are those big, shiny trucks/SUVs/sports cars parked right on the line in the middle of two spaces, and you can tell they did it so no one would park near enough to scratch their car. I say if you're that worried about your expensive paint job, hire a driver to park the darn car for you, and sit in it until you return!

Kristy said...

Amen, sister!!

I like the "hire a driver to park the car" idea. Darn those stinking rich people and their "special" big, shiny trucks/SUVS/sports cars. =)

Not quite the Bradys said...

Me too, Me too!!! I've been the idiot parker in a hurry with cranky kids too! (SIGH) I am not proud of it but I am glad to know I'm not the only one. And amen to the stupid SUV's parking in two spaces.

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