Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Homemade Icy-Hot Remedy

Here's a formula to keep in mind:

Ice + skin + together for too long = BAD.

******

So. As it turns out, I am much less intelligent than I thought I was.

Last night my back was really hurting. I have tried a heating pad off-and-on for the past several days, to no avail, so I thought ice! That'll fix it. I strapped on an ice-pack. (Yes. You read that right. Strapped. I used an ace bandage to tie it on, so I could still be mobile. It was genius.) Then I set about fixing dinner. The pain finally subsided, about the time the numbness set in. And I kid you not, I just forgot about it.

Finally, sometime after dinner, Russ noticed my contraption and said, "How long have you had that on?"

"Oh, I don't know...four or five hours maybe?"

The look on his face prompted me to rip it off. And there. To my horror. Sat my flaming red, white blistered skin.

Russell immediately went into a discussion about frost-bite, and necrotic tissue, and amputation...and my need to get into some warm water pronto.

My 97-year old back and I ran (skidding and popping wheelies around corners) to the bathtub.

As I was sitting there in the water, thinking of my future life without a mid-section, I realized: This is one of the dumbest things I've ever done! (Let's all hope so, right?)

Fortunately, the blisters and purple-redness went away soon after the bath. However, two perfectly shaped wing-like marks remained. My very own branding. They're a nice hot pink color and feel like a really bad sunburn. Side-by-side, as they are, they form a butterfly.

Although this isn't how I planned it, in college I always thought I might like to have a tattoo of a butterfly on my lower back. I hadn't envisioned pink. But it really is a nice girly touch.

******

*Nope. No pictures will be provided. Suffice to say the story is embarrassment enough.

AND, as if the incident in-and-of-itself wasn't enough of a hit to my fragile ego, my best buddy, Mark, informed me, "Don't take this the wrong way, Kristy. But you know, most fat people have back problems." ...Ah, excellent. Thank you. Kill. me. now. (Someone's getting demoted to a spot significantly lower on the Friendship List.)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

O.K. This one had me laughing maniacally like a lunatic! The last paragraph had me rolling in the floor. What WAS that boy thinking? Love, Mooms

Anonymous said...

hi kristy,
i just wanted you to know that i have really enjoyed reading your blog today. you have some great stories. i'm from mena and i know some of your family here. your mom and i have talked about your sophie... and & my husband, daniel and i have a sophie, too! she will be two and september. she also has curly hair, is very funny and not afraid of anything!

i hope your move to arkansas goes great!

take care,
jennifer brewer
www.xanga.com/oncearose

sarah p said...

what a friend, that Mark.

so sorry for your icy injury...enjoy the new tat.

Val said...

MY GOSH, I need to meet Sophie! She's ALL cute-ness and personality. I can't wait until she can start a blog. =)

Mark said...

Now wait a minute...I was quoted out of context!!! I just repeated something that one fat brother (mine) said to his fat brother (ME)!

But I guess for everybody who has wanted to know what Kris and I talk about for hours...you've now been given a little 'sampling.' ;-)

(But, come to think of it, maybe this partly explains why I'm single.) :-o

Kritter Krit said...

Hey there, Number Thirty-One,

Don't go getting all "back-tracky" on me.

Let's recap, shall we:

I said: "Man. My back is out of WHACK!"

You said (quote): "Don't take this wrong, Kris. But you know most fat people have back problems."

Now granted, you were borrowing from a conversation with J.D. But STILL...

You can't go making "fat" comments without getting crucified on the Fat Girl's blog. Hee!

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